The Reality of my Life

 A real poem about me.
I rarely write poems about myself. You may read a poem and think it is about me, but I don't like writing about myself. If my creativity is charged into a work and it accidentally turns out a lot like me, I can't help that, but I never set out with the intention of writing about myself. I like to keep a certain distance between myself and those who read my poetry because I find it disturbing for others to read my work and make analyses of the narrator of the poem, and if that narrator is me, then it becomes more disturbing. Plus, although I am comfortable talking about anything (few things make me awkward), I don't like to talk about myself because I have had a lot of rare experiences that can lead others to feel inadequate around me, or determine me to be too unique for their own tastes. I don't like that. I like when people see me as their equal, and if I have ever done anything, I want them to know that they too can do those things. However, even though my wish would be for people to look at me as no different than they are, it doesn't happen that way... I have a spectrum of followers: from those who worship me as a hero, to those who despise me as a creep and an enemy. If I could only make sense of it...

 In any case, I have a few thoughts sewn into my head right now that I want to unpick, and these thoughts are really about my life... I haven't had the most impactful life, but I have had an exciting one. And by exciting, I mean that my plot has plenty of ups and downs and twists and highs and lows --probably no more than the next guy--but it is at least exciting for me. Yet even with all this excitement, I desire stability. I've changed so much over the last 5. 10. years to where I have become nearly exactly what I wanted to be, yet I look at the past and wonder if I didn't change too fast and if I should have remained what I was. Life is about changing though, nothing stays the same even when we want it to. Equilibrium is probably the hardest thing to accomplish that I am aware of, and the easiest way to obtain it is to constantly spin in a circular motion. . . which implies that you really aren't resting. So in that sense I see my life as quite similar: it's always rotating, never stops, and it goes in and out of perfect balance.


Helping you has no Repercussions
By Kyle Oakeson

My heart broke years ago
knocked out of its resting place
I could never get it to balance again
and the copper wires and magnets
they ceased to keep pumping
so I suppose I lost my ability to love?

On the contrary!
My eyes were opened wide
and the Doctor shined his light
put some mud in them and let them dilate
and then I was healed.

You see,
I learned something about hearts
that you might not care about
but I care about you
and that's how it all works out

When you learn you can't love anyone
and no one gives you love back
and the tears swell in my eyes as I think it
You realize:
There are no repercussions to loving others

So if I love you and all your enemies
and you love or hate me
and at times I feel my tears turn to acid
and holes develop in my stomach
and darkness closes around me

None of that comes from me loving you
or everyone.
and that's not going to change me from loving you
You're my brother
You're my sister
You're my mentor
You're my friend

And I value my family above all else.
I know it's cheap to say that
Because everyone says that
But I'm not sure they really mean it
or understand it like I do

I may not be a prophet
I may not be a martyr
I may not be the greatest
But I try to act the way that He does
and say the things that He does

So next time you're down,
next time your life spins out of control
the planets don't align
and you feel so foolish
I hope you know that I care about you
And I value you more than you might value yourself

And when you need assistance
You're fed up with society
You're in the hands of enemies
You're being chased by wild bees
or You've made a mistake needs fixing

I'm here for you

Because I know what it's like to feel like you have no one
Because I know what it's like to be beat up
Because I know what it's like to be alone
Because I know what failure's like
Because I don't have a heart and it's a blessing:
Helping you has no repercussions

And one day I hope you see it all
One day I hope I've helped you
One day I hope this crusty mud
will help to heal you too